- Perhaps I could have cast more of my burden upon the Lord so He could have better cared for me – Psalm 55:22
- Perhaps I could have trusted in the Lord more, confident that he would direct my path – Proverbs 3:5-6
- Perhaps I could have put more of the recent past behind me so as to better press on for God’s high calling– Philippians 3:13-14
- Perhaps I could have forgiven more completely – Matthew 18:21-22
- Perhaps I could have more completely been still before the Lord, waiting patiently for Him – Psalm 37:7
Honest, I was doing my best to do all of these things. I had experienced God’s care and provision many times. I had experience in casting my burden, in trusting the Lord, of pressing on through difficult experiences, forgiving when it seemed impossible, and experience in resting in God’s care.
Nevertheless…I went crunch sometime in the fall of 1981
- Having lost my job and been unable to learn why
- Having to be part of a family that suddenly had its focus of time and energy stripped away
- Having to give up our recently completed home at the ranch
- Having to walk away from the Sky Ranch secretary and business manager who were good friends
- Having to talk with all manner of people about “it all”, which was good, but exhausting
- Having been with my mom when she died
- Having turned down excellent job opportunities because neither Sally Jo or I believed them God’s will
- Having to go to our church, where five Sky Ranch Board members attended – and many others who knew what had happened and did not know why
- Having the responsibility for the Christian Camping International Convention in New Mexico in two months
- At some point I realized that my blood pressure had gone way up and I had to go on blood pressure medication
- At some point I realized that, at least weekly, when in bed with my eyes closed, our bedroom would turn on its side and I would have to open my eyes to get re-oriented
- At some point I realized that, at least weekly, I was not seeing my physical environment like it really was, but rather as a picture distorted and stretched out – like some Salvador Dali paintings. At the same time I realized that, most often when driving, I would feel like I was in a tunnel – and the area around my tunnel was very dark and closing in on me. As I drove on, gradually the true world would return and I would be OK.
I pressed on, for the above did not prevent me from living a “normal” life.
Both Sally Jo and I came to realize that, due to our investment of time and energy, and the contributions of many family and friends, we would not have left Sky – apart from a “clear message from God”. Being asked to resign became that clear message – but it seemed to be a senseless, painful way to receive this message. We had good reason to believe what had happened was meant for evil, but how could God work this for good? Genesis 45:5, Romans 8:28
After hours of discussion, Sally Jo and I wrote out what we believed would be the type of ministry where we should be serving. What we wrote was a very different situation from where we had been serving.
Our desire to live In Partnership With God was never in question.